Throughout the years
by Tuvstarr's lost heart
Summary: Konohamaru reflects on a crush a decade in the making. My contribution to the lovely Fanofthisfiction's Show Me the Love Summer One Shot Challenge!


_I can't remember when I first realised I had a crush on you, but I know it was many many years ago._

 _I've watched you grow up, as I did the same._

 _I've heard your laughter spread through the air when you've heard something funny, and I can't think of a more beautiful sound. In fact, I've made it my own personal mission to make you laugh as often as I can, only so that I can hear it again._

I was twelve, and had just become a genin the first time I heard you laugh. I really thought it was a bell at first, the sound was just too pretty to be simple laughter.

 _We went through training, not together, but close enough to sometimes bump into each other. Then, we somehow became family, well, almost adopted family at least, and were invited to the same birthdays and anniversaries._

I was fourteen, and had snuck away from my duties at Naruto-niichan's wedding to ask if you would like to dance.

Do you remember? You said that you preferred to spar, and then proceeded to hand my ass to me on a silver platter. I give you that, you're more skilled in taijutsu and it didn't hurt having the Byakugan either. You were a real brat about it too.

I tried to act like I had just tripped on my scarf, and that I was pissed off about your cheating win. In reality, I had all the trouble in the world not to smile at your glee, even if it came at my expense. It was so infectious.

 _I've watched your eyes light up when you received happy news, and I swear my heart skipped a beat._

I was sixteen, and was there in the room when Naruto-niichan and Hinata-san told you that you were going to be an aunt, and I saw your eyes light up like starlit pearls on the beach. Or, well, at least that's what I imagined starlit pearls would look like. In reality, I wouldn't have had a clue, I had never seen the beach at that stage, nor had I seen what a pearl looked like in the night for that matter. I knew for sure though that I had never seen anything so beautiful.

 _We climbed to Jounin status and went on a few missions together._

I had just turned eighteen when we both made Jounin rank together. You were really smug about it too since I'm a year older, you thought you had 'won.'

 _You've seen me at my worst, and you didn't shy away._

Not long after we both made Jounin, we went on a mission together. It didn't end badly but we were cornered and for the first time, I couldn't get away with merely incapacitating my opponent. It was either letting her get away with the innocent hostage, or kill her.

I tried to play it off as nothing but could tell you weren't buying it.

Later that night I woke up from a nightmare, a shaking, snivelling mess who must have woken you up too because I found you looking at me, your eyes filled not with pity, but compassion. You came over and wordlessly took me in your arms. All pretences and competitiveness lost. I needed a friend, and you offered. We sat like that until morning came, neither saying a word.

That's when I first began to see your kind heart.

 _I've watched you get injured, seen your eyes glaze over and your head loll to the side as the blood loss made you dizzy. I can honestly say I've never been as afraid as when I desperately tried to patch you up, praying for help, and begging you to stay awake._

I was twenty-two, and could feel the panic rising in my throat. There was so much blood and you weren't responding to my calls anymore. I knew what I had to do, bandaging the wound wasn't enough, you had already lost too much and the bleeding wasn't slowing down despite my careful wrapping. The longer I waited, the slimmer your chances.

I would have to cauterize it.

I thanked the heavens, and my genes, that I have an affinity for fire jutsu, and cursed all the hells that I didn't have a needle and thread.

I'm no medical-nin but I would have to do, there was no one else. I set fire to a nearby bush and heated my kunai until it glowed.

Taking a deep breath to steady myself. I put the metal to the wound and gagged when the stench of burning flesh singed my nostrils and your screams filled the air.

Afterwards, I really did throw up.

There would have to be a scar there still, for sure, on your right side just below the belly button. I'm sure I hadn't been the most steady with my hand or done a very neat job, but you survived, and that was everything that mattered.

 _Somehow, the crush never went away. Instead, it grew stronger through the years as I over time learned to know you on a less shallow plane. As I discovered all your wonderful characteristics and all the small things that make you, well, you._

 _Still can't make myself say anything though._

I turned twenty-five today, and still haven't manned up and said something. Something always seemed to get in the way, missions and well-meaning but oh so awkward friends and family members being the worst bandits, but also...the longer I waited, the harder it seemed to get, a part of me being afraid to destroy the friendship we've built over the years...

We were out celebrating, and you were there with us.

Moegi elbowed me and nodded towards you and perhaps it was the beers underneath my shirt, or perhaps I was just fed up with how things were. I took a deep breath, gave Moegi a grin way more confident than I really felt and made my way to you.

Before I reached you though, you received a phone call, and I heard you say that you would be there right away. You saw me and crossed the distance between us with an apologetic smile, saying that your dad was unwell and that you had to go before giving me a quick hug and wishing me a happy birthday.

 _Lost my chance again, Hanabi_ , I thought as I watched you leave.

Perhaps next time, or perhaps not.

* * *

A/N: I'd like to say thanks to Fanofthisfiction for hosting this lovely event to bring readers and writers together!

I would also like to say thank you to ibloo and Spacerune for Beta-reading this small piece of mine. Girls, you are amazing! I am so grateful for having you both as friends!

Last but far from least, thank you so much for reading!


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